Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Spring Fever VoxBox




Yes, I did indeed get picked for the Spring Fever VoxBox. I was actually pretty excited for it once I received it in the mail about a month ago.


I have tried a few of the products thus far, and two of them I still need to try to work with.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Negativity

So...I kind of had a freakout session on Friday night.

I have been stressing myself out to the max lately. I mean, really. I'm at work 80 hours a week, learning a new job basically 50% of the time, while trying to keep myself sane the other 50% of the time. I also am having tests...which I'm not going to lie, have NOT been turning out so great because I haven't had adequate time to study.

I finally lost it driving home on Friday night. Some of the girls I work with (and actually like) and I were going to go out. Well...I made it to the club after work and realized I had nobody's number. Mind you, this is a big club...like it has two stories to it. After having been up since 5:00am, I wasn't in the mood to walk into some club at 11:30 at night trying to find these girls. So...I just drove back home. But, I bawled my eyes out the entire way.
I'm probably going to lie on Monday and say I couldn't find my ID or something. Because really, even walking into a neighborhood bar that holds maybe 100 people by myself is intimidating for me. I panic about that crap so easily and I KNOW. I shouldn't be like that. It's embarrassing and a huge personality flaw for me. I am not the girl that can just walk into a place and make friends.

But anyhow. Crying in my car. Driving half an hour home on the interstate. I started questioning EVERYTHING. My relationship, my job, my friends, school, EVEN MY FREAKING CHOICE IN CAR (which I adore my car. It's a 2012 Honda Civic, so I'm not driving a Corvette or anything, but it's comfy and in my price range and drives well).
I've been having relationship problems for...well, awhile. It comes in spurts. It's been going well the past week or so, but I just lost it on Friday night. My job drives me insane and I was literally about to lose it at work on Friday because one of my coworkers is so damn abrasive it isn't even funny. And when I lose it at work, I disappear to the bathroom for 10-15 minutes and bawl because I get so frustrated. Yes, that's what I do when I get mad, is go cry. And this whole past week, I've just been so miserable because I see what it is that I'm dying to be doing to a living and yet I'm stuck in a place that is SO horrible for me mentally. My friends...I have a few friends I work with, but I've lost touch with most of my friends I had in college. And I miss a lot of them. Some of them I was only friends with for 2 years, some of them I was friends with for longer. I miss going out with them and seeing them and sitting on the porch until 5am talking and listening to music. I started missing that life I had so much, and even typing this out I'm tearing up. I had such a solid group of friends and a neighborhood bar and just...such a better mindset 3-5 years ago. I'm sitting here, typing this out more for my benefit, realizing that part of the reason I have become so bitter is the toxic environment that I work in and some of the relationships I hold with people. I'll always be a snarky bitch, that's just in my personality, but the way I am right now...I hate it.

So...in the coming months, I have a lot of choices to make. I have a couple of things I'm working toward, work-wise, that I am excited about but I can't be sure of if/when they'll happen. I have to make decisions about my relationship. I have to decide if I really want to stay here or move somewhere else. I should probably make the choice to reconnect with at least some of the friends that I've lost over the past 3 years.

MIA but Returning Soon!

Yes, I'm fully aware I've been missing for 3 months.

I have a damn good excuse, that being school.

Yeah, I posted last in March. Yes, March y'all. Sorry. I had a crapton of finals and such, then I had to go out to classes for 3 weeks in April. Then, as soon as I got back (the last week of April), I started working/interning for 80 hours a week.

...No, no typo there. EIGHTY HOURS PER WEEK. I'm there from 6:45am until 11:15pm most days. Give or take a few minutes. Please mind you, I've also been working every other weekend, so I have two days per week that I'm only there for 8 hours. But I digress.

So, yes, I AM still alive and sort of kicking, given the circumstances.

This blog WILL be coming back, though it still won't be super frequent posting, simply because I don't have the mental energy to do it.

However, I'm currently scheduling 2 posts to be up within the next week or so. One of which will be published tomorrow because I need to get some crap out into cyberspace and I don't really have anyone to discuss it with in real life. Well, I do...but she has her own ish to be messing with/worrying about. And trust me, y'all aren't getting the full story because I don't know who's going to be reading this.

Anyhow. Today was my day completely off from work and internship, and I didn't get out of bed until I had been in bed for 12 hours and then I proceeded to watch YouTube videos, catch up on some blogs, watch Made of Honor/Keeping up with the Kardashians (which hello, how behind am I? Oh right, haven't had a chance to watch good trash in a few months...yes, first world problems right here), and eat.

Not going to lie. Working 16 hour days makes you lose weight. I'm not trying to scarf down food before work/on my way to work, oftentimes including Chick-fil-A or something worse...I'm maybe eating something light at 6:00 (or at 9:00, depending on how my stomach feels), then having a fairly light lunch, then a somewhat substantial dinner. I cut out my late-night-after-work eating, as well as my nearly-nightly beers. Plus, while stressing myself out, I've been giving myself GI problems. Yes, TMI, but when the food doesn't stay with you long, you can't absorb the calories. I've also been having issues from too much processed food...so uh...that's keeping me eating better.

Anyhow. Tomorrow (well, later today at this point) there will be another blog post up! Not quite as peppy as this one, but like I said...issues to get off my chest.